How to Save Money and Calories
Raise your hand if you think it should be socially acceptable to inject coffee into your veins and walk around trailing an IV.
Jump in the air sporting croquet whites if you once told a barista your name was Donna Martin just so they would call out “Donna Martin” upon giving you a latte.
Raise two hands while wearing a wedding dress (unshowered) if you wish you had a free, lifetime supply of Starbucks at your beck and call.
Don’t be sad when you realize 99% of America does not have free Starbucks at their beck and call. Never fear! Entertaining by Evie is here!
A few years ago while working for the man, I met a friend and we started Caffeine Club. I am a lifetime member. The weekly coffee indulgence typically fell on a Friday after Thursday HH (Happy Hour). After doing the math of ordering a weekly $4 caramel/pumpkin/gingerbread/vanilla latte, I realized that is roughly $208 per year to be a lifetime member of Caffeine Club. If I live to be 100 (hello, Smucker’s on the Today Show), I will have spent approximately $17,000 in my lifetime. Yes, I subtracted 15 years. If there was coffee in my bottle, we might have another issue.
To my point as we’re not statisticians around these parts nor could we do that math without a calculator, here is a coffee order that will save you a WHOLE dollar and a bounty of calories regardless of how many times you frequent Starbucks. Plus, the best part of all, it tastes just like a latte.
Grande Caramel Coffee
I will warn you. The barista may give you a funny look followed by “You mean coffee with a shot of caramel?”
To which you reply, “Yes, please” while thinking to yourself “Yes, Captain Obvious, inject it into my veins now” meanwhile tying the top of your arm off to expose said veins to the barista.
Instead, you refrain and you give the barista a smile friendlier than Barney the Dinosaur because the caramel-y goodness is given to you within seconds. You’re a pro now. You’re ordering coffee and they give it to you immediately. No waiting. No WHOLE EXTRA DOLLAR. No remorse over the calories.
Caffeine bliss without wheeling an IV behind you.
Happy Thursday, y’all.